This is an unprecedented time. Everything is uncharted territory and everyone is working to negotiate and try to figure things out. This applies to the BDSM, kink and fetish communities and professions as well. I wanted to write a blog post to discuss tactics, opinions and ideas to help people communicate and connect in this new world W/we live in. This article is written for those who want to know how to approach a Domina, or other Kink/Fetish Sex Worker which I reference as a Provider. This same approach will work in both real life sessions and online considering everything is digital.
Assuming you know your limits and type of play you desire you can begin. Let's go through the best way to get started, in My opinion.
First, you should investigate and verify the Domme/Provider. Make sure they are who they say they are. Do they have a website? Do they have a content studio or other site shop? Make sure they are in fact practicing the type of play you are seeking. Does this provider offer this service? Are they seemingly educated and experienced? Qualify your Provider before you even approach them. Save both of yourself time. You may be sexually attracted to them, but if they do not offer the service you seek, you will be denied. Check their social media and see if they have made any statements on their websites or other spaces indicating their current availability and ability to see clients. Everyone is navigating this differently. Some Providers are able to have online, phone and text sessions and others are not. Make sure the Provider you are interested in is capable of the session you are interested in.
Second, I recommend buying access to the Providers content or platforms of choice. See how they are on camera and recordings. Are you even more intrigued by them now? Look at their photos and videos and see if you like their style and are still interested. This also supports the Provider and their work. A lot can be learned about a Provider from their content. Curious of what a ball-busting session might be like with them? Buy their clip on it and then you will have a better idea if it's for you. You will probably enjoy it as well and their hard work of making the content is appreciated by your purchase. (Yes, I said it. BUY IT, don't steal it) Wonder what it might be like to be humiliated by a Provider you are interested in? Buy their POV and you can have a sneak peak of what your session could be like.
Third, find that Providers preferred method of initial contact. Some Providers are willing to DM, Instant Message, Email only, phone calls, website applications only, etc. but it will be to your benefit if you find their preferred methods and respectfully use it. Most Providers will require a deposit and you should be aware of this requirement. Not only do you show your serious intent, but it is used to secure the Providers time. Some may not charge you the deposit, but a tribute should ALWAYS be offered at least initially. Many of you are not aware of the purpose or intent of a tribute, I will have to write a whole other post on just tributes and why they are critical for any attention from a a Domme/Provider so keep your eyes open for that post. Regardless, expect to show your serious intent or be ignored. As you can imagine, the inbox is almost always full of time wasters for Providers and tolerance for time wasting is always short. The Provider will be asking you questions as well. Much of what is discussed beforehand is for safety and to create the best experience for you both.
Now that W/we are in the times of COVID-19 and this change to O/our lifestyles and contact risk, more discussions and negotiations are necessary before engaging with each other in an real life setting. I recommend people follow the advisement of the Center for Disease Control and the World Health Organization for guidance on how to navigate with each other physically. I personally feel that this is a risk that both parties must knowingly participate in with full disclosure. If you are sick with anything, wait to play. This is MY opinion. Corona virus or other, stay home. That should be common sense. Otherwise discuss with your Provider if you have been sick within the last 14 days prior to your session and the Provider will advise how to proceed. The Provider should also disclose their illness reporting in the prior 14 days to a session. Consideration to this crisis will change the way we carryout play. Be aware that some Providers could have additional precautions to keep you both safe and healthy after the experience. Be flexible and understanding as well as transparent about how you are feeling. Take good care of your bodies and minds so you can enjoy the wonderful experience with the Provider you are seeking.
Fourth, be sure to negotiate fully before you play. Ask the questions in the beginning. Take the time to be sure to cover what you need to make yourself safest for your experience. An experienced professional will be sure to help you through this process because you will most likely be very nervous and excited making it easy to forget the critical and important items to discuss. It's not ideal to have to find out later that you should have talked about something beforehand, even down to allergies and medical issues. Use your self awareness to make sure the experience has the components you seek most and that your Provider understands clearly what you want. If you do not discuss it there is a likelihood the experience will not be what you wanted, if you do not talk about it before you do it. So take this time to make sure to communicate your REAL desires to your Provider. Be honest with your Provider because it really makes the experience the absolute best it can be. Don't be embarrassed or shy. We are professionals and should be acting as such with discretion and free of judgment. Kink shaming is never professional, and highly unlikely you would experience that if you are working with a professional, so be honest Even if it's telling them you're nervous to tell them your deep desires!
Fifth point I wanted to make was to be sure to prepare for your session and follow all instructions. Do not be early, do not be late. Those are never a good thing. It always is a bonus for you if you bring a gift of gratitude to see your Provider. It is not usually required, but a show of respect can go quite far. My advice. Relax and enjoy your session and experience. Afterwards, show respect and appreciation for your Providers. hopefully you had the experience that you hoped for and now have a great connection with a Provider you like! If you did not enjoy the experience, you can ask yourself what happened, and see if there is a way to improve the next time.
Lastly, if you enjoyed yourself, post a nice review for them (with Their consent of course) to continue to succeed and to show your devotion to Them. Hopefully you book with Them again and a new kinky relationship can be formed. Be good to your Domina and She will be good to you.
Stay Healthy and Kinky.